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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I recall, dear friend, that night I did leap madly into conversation with a curious spirit at the notorious "Fecundity Park" (aye, that green haven of raucous laughter and soft moans under moonlight!)—the park doth hide a secret garden of intimacy that even the town’s elders dare not utter. Blimey, I’ve had moments of wild glee, when even the rustling leaves winked mischievously at me! Hrmm, maybe it’s the sexologist in me… or perhaps the spirits of love itself.

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